I would have never considered myself a feminist before I went to college. To me, feminists were bra-burning, "liberal," and all-around bad. Then I went to college and learned more about what a feminist truly is. Here's my favorite definition, as spoken by Rebecca West: "I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat, or a prostitute."
Last night, I went to the grocery to get cat food and cat litter. (I insist that I'm not a crazy-cat-lady, but I do own a feline...) I elected to go through the self check-out because I was, of course, on the phone. Well, the self-checkout must have been having a bad day because when I scanned the catfood and placed it in the bag, it told me to put it on the scanner and wait. So I waited. And nothing happened. Then it told me to remove the item, so I did. Then it got angry and told me I needed to scan the item I had just placed in the bag, even thought the charge for said item was clearly on the screen. Meanwhile, the guy in line behind me (keep in mind that there are 6 total self check-out lines, and only 3 or 4 were full, but this guy was waiting in line behind me) starts clicking his tongue like I'm taking too long. So I hang up the phone to try to concentrate more fully, and when I look back at the guy he smiles and laughs--evidently he's flirting with me?
Well, making eye contact with this guy was the biggest mistake I made all day yesterday, because he took that to mean that I needed him to come to the rescue and help me figure out this new-fangled-technical-machine thingy. He proceeded to come up to the kiosk and start touching the screen, trying to fix it in all his manliness. He quickly realized that it was NOT user-error that was causing the problems. Once the grocery store employee worked his magic to tame the machine, the cat food scanned just fine. The overly helpful and demeaning fellow customer then proceeded to press the "pay now" button, and tried to walk me through the payment process. I had yet to scan the cat litter, so I quickly took over, hit the back button, and scanned the litter. After I lifted the litter & scanned it, my helpful friend then said, "Oh hun, I would have done that for you." I paid for my cat supplies and high-tailed it out of there. I've never felt more demeaned in my life.
Now the question is, "what on earth does this have to do with wedding planning?" It got me thinking about the relationship of husband-to-wife and the vows that couples make at their weddings. Lisa, August bride #1, recently attended a wedding in which the bride promised to obey the groom, but the groom made no such promise to the bride. Lisa was not a fan of this, as she said she thinks that each should promise the same thing to the other.
So here's where things get a little hairy in Amore' Land. I agree with Lisa, 110%. I have no intention of promising to obey C. However, we are, in many ways, extremely traditional, and promising to obey is a very traditional vow. Chances are, in our marriage, I will "obey" C in some way or another. I have already done so (for example, I only have one tattoo, not 2 or 3 or 4. He's not crazy about tattoos, though I would totally love to have another one). But promising to obey will not be part of our ceremony.
The other feminist-vs-wedding conflict is the quesiton of "giving the bride away." You already know that C asked my parents for their blessing, but the giving away during the ceremony is a different concept, at least in my mind. It's one I'll be pondering and discussing with my closest--namely C and Love--and then share my conclusions at a later date.
What are your feelings on promising to obey? What about giving away?
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-Amore'
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