Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Why I'm wearing white on my wedding day--or--Amoré' the Prude (Part 2)
Last time I told you about C's & my decision to not drink. This time I'll tell you about our decision to remain virgins until we're married.
For both of us, faith has played a huge part in our decisions. We were both raised in the same church, and we were taught that "True Love Waits." I decided that I would wait to have sex until I said "I do" when I was 13 years old. The reasons for keeping my virginity have changed, but today, for me, I believe that God created sex to be a beautiful gift, but one that is to be shared with only one person. And to me, if I've found that one person, it's logical to wait until I've married that person to share that gift.
I want to pause here and say that like drinking, I offer no condemnation for the people around me who have made different choices. I am in no position to judge another person. I can only offer my own experience.
C & I knew that we would one day get married fairly early in our relationship. Before I went away to college, we had already talked about getting married and that we each felt that the other was "the one." And over the past 4+ years, the opportunity and temptation to have sex have both been there. But each time the question or possibility arose, we both have always known the answer is "no."
I love C with every ounce of my being. I have never felt the same way about another person on the planet. As such, I want to be able to share the entirety of myself with him and only him. And out of respect for that decision, I will share that with him for the first time on our wedding night. I know it may sound crazy to some--to marry without knowing if the sex is good. My response to that concern is that since I've never had sex before, it has to be good! Besides, for C & I, our relationship is more about a friendship and profound respect for one another than it is for physical satisfaction. We look forward to giving to one another the one thing we have never given to another person, and the one thing we will never give again.
The next question is probably, "If you already knew, why wait?" Why not wait? If we're going to get married, we'll have the rest of our lives to have sex. And though we knew early in our relationship that we would marry, that didn't mean that we were ready to be married. Sex is more than a series of actions to achieve a result, sex is a commitment. And for us, that commitment is just as important and carries the same weight as the commitment we will make when we stand up in front of our friends and our families next May.
A final reason, though this one is admittedly far less important, is that C & I desire to live the kind of live we want the youth we work with to live. C is on staff at our church working with our youth, and I volunteer with the youth group. We are in front of the same students every week, and they know all about us. I simply could not talk with these youth about relationships--a hot topic among middle & high schoolers--and be in a sexually active, non-married relationship. It would just plain be uncomfortable.
C & I are primarily concerned in guarding our hearts, and in waiting until we're married to have sex, we believe we are doing that.
C & are looking forward to our lifetime together, and we believe that saving sex for our wedding night will make that day that much sweeter.
Any other virgins out there? What difficulties have you encountered? Why have you decided to wait?
(image from August wedding #2 by yours truly. more on it later.)