Why I'm wearing white on my wedding day--or--Amoré' the Prude (Part 2)

Last time I told you about C's & my decision to not drink. This time I'll tell you about our decision to remain virgins until we're married.

For both of us, faith has played a huge part in our decisions. We were both raised in the same church, and we were taught that "True Love Waits." I decided that I would wait to have sex until I said "I do" when I was 13 years old. The reasons for keeping my virginity have changed, but today, for me, I believe that God created sex to be a beautiful gift, but one that is to be shared with only one person. And to me, if I've found that one person, it's logical to wait until I've married that person to share that gift.

I want to pause here and say that like drinking, I offer no condemnation for the people around me who have made different choices. I am in no position to judge another person. I can only offer my own experience.

C & I knew that we would one day get married fairly early in our relationship. Before I went away to college, we had already talked about getting married and that we each felt that the other was "the one." And over the past 4+ years, the opportunity and temptation to have sex have both been there. But each time the question or possibility arose, we both have always known the answer is "no."

I love C with every ounce of my being. I have never felt the same way about another person on the planet. As such, I want to be able to share the entirety of myself with him and only him. And out of respect for that decision, I will share that with him for the first time on our wedding night. I know it may sound crazy to some--to marry without knowing if the sex is good. My response to that concern is that since I've never had sex before, it has to be good! Besides, for C & I, our relationship is more about a friendship and profound respect for one another than it is for physical satisfaction. We look forward to giving to one another the one thing we have never given to another person, and the one thing we will never give again.

The next question is probably, "If you already knew, why wait?" Why not wait? If we're going to get married, we'll have the rest of our lives to have sex. And though we knew early in our relationship that we would marry, that didn't mean that we were ready to be married. Sex is more than a series of actions to achieve a result, sex is a commitment. And for us, that commitment is just as important and carries the same weight as the commitment we will make when we stand up in front of our friends and our families next May.

A final reason, though this one is admittedly far less important, is that C & I desire to live the kind of live we want the youth we work with to live. C is on staff at our church working with our youth, and I volunteer with the youth group. We are in front of the same students every week, and they know all about us. I simply could not talk with these youth about relationships--a hot topic among middle & high schoolers--and be in a sexually active, non-married relationship. It would just plain be uncomfortable.

C & I are primarily concerned in guarding our hearts, and in waiting until we're married to have sex, we believe we are doing that.

C & are looking forward to our lifetime together, and we believe that saving sex for our wedding night will make that day that much sweeter.

Any other virgins out there? What difficulties have you encountered? Why have you decided to wait?

(image from August wedding #2 by yours truly. more on it later.)

--Amoré

Why I'm wearing white on my wedding day--or--Amoré the Prude (Part 1)

Wikipedia defines the word prude as "a person who is described as being overly concerned with decorum or propriety. They may be perceived as being uncomfortable with sexuality, nudity, alcohol, drug use or mischief.

"The name is generally considered to mean excessive modesty, and hence unflattering, and is often used as an insult. A person who is considered a prude may have reservations about nudity, participating in romantic or sexual activity, drinking alcohol or consuming other drugs, or participating in mischief. These reservations may stem from shyness or strict moral beliefs. Actions or beliefs that may cause someone to be labeled a prude include advocating or practising abstinence, advocating prohibition, advocating censorship of sexuality or nudity in media, disapproval of being nude in public, avoiding or condemning public display of affection, or exhibiting unusual levels of discomfort with sexuality, alcohol, drugs or mischief."


(image source)

Often times, the image conjured up when you think of the word "prude" is that of a Puritan.

Two things you should probably know about C & me.
1. We don't drink. At all.
2. We are both virgins.

Unheard of, right?

My father is a recovering alcoholic. He has been sober for nearly 15 months now. That means that for the first 21 1/2 years of my life, he was a practicing alcoholic. For me, this meant that my father was emotionally absent for most of my life. He was often embarrassing when around my friends--making inappropriate comments. He always had a beer, and to this day, I cringe when I hear a can open. Dad's alcoholism left me with several scars, including a hesitation to trust men mixed with a strong desire for approval from men. Nice combo, right? His alcoholism has also led me to research the disease further, to try to understand it better. One glaring piece of information I've come across time and time again: alcoholism is inherited. Children of alcoholics are much more likely to become alcoholics themselves. And because of the family dynamics present in alcoholic homes, children often seek out similar personalities and find themselves married to addicts in their adult lives.

As a result of this knowledge, I have decided to simply not drink. The only way I can know that I won't succumb to this disease is to never let it have the chance to take over my life. Similarly, the only way I can know that I won't end up married to an alcoholic is to marry someone who has decided that he doesn't and won't drink either. C has seen the heartache that has resulted from my father's alcoholism. He was a part of my life at the time of my parents' separation, and he has witnessed the miracle of my father's sobriety. He has also had to deal first-hand with the issues having an alcoholic father have posed in my life. He made the decision long ago, and on his own, to not drink.

For the record, I have no problem being around alcohol or around people who drink, or even being around drunk people. I was in a sorority in college, and I certainly have seen my fair share of intoxicated individuals. I have no judgment for people who drink. I don't think they are going to Hell, and I don't think they are bad people. For me, however, alcohol is simply not an option. And I'm at peace with that.

Next up: Still carrying my V-Card.

-Amoré