The Marriage Book

Soon after B and I began dating we knew we had something special. During our nightly conversations that lasted for hours we got to know a lot about one another, and frequently played "The Question Game," which really isn't a game at all--just a chance to ask all those questions you want of the other.

A few years earlier I had seen an Oprah show devoted to marriage and preparing for it. A frequent guest on Oprah is Dr. Robin Smith, who wrote Lies at the Altar: The Truth About Great Marriages. I wrote the title in my journal and knew that I would eventually use the book.

After B and I began dating, I quickly ordered the book and thought Lies at the Altar was a scary title for a guy I'd just started dating so we quickly re-named it "The Marriage Book." The book is about preparing you not only for marriage, but also for a serious relationship. It was great for us to read together at the beginning of our relationship and helped us see where we had common ground and where our differences lay.

I admit we skimmed lots in the first part of the book and didn't find that part as helpful for us, but the questions at the end make this book a must have for couples. The end of the book includes over 200 questions about well, everything! From pets to finances to sex to family this book covers nearly all the bases. The questions are divided into sections and the last question of each section asks if you have a you've ever had a relationship end because of __ issue.

I think all serious and/or engaged couples should have real talks about what they want out of their relationship, future, and marriage. This book does a great job of consolidating all those "must ask" questions and gives couples a great starting place.

Are there any books that have been especially helpful to you as you prepare for your marriage?

--Love

It's all about you!

I am an Appalachian. This means I talk with an accent, live in the mountains, am proud of my place, and have traditions that are distinctly different from other cultures. . . . including wedding traditions.

I also come from a very small town. Where I come from there are not many "platinum weddings," but instead many are held in local churches with the receptions in the fellowship hall. This also means no alcohol at most weddings. We still participate in bouquet tosses. There are certainly not five star hotels or caterers to provide a luxurious spread, but weddings are unique and personal. I believe that the most important part of any wedding is that it fits your personality and culture.


My new wedding read agrees. I have been reading Somebody is Going to die if Lilly Beth doesn't catch that bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding. This book is not only hilarious in pointing out the uniqueness of southern weddings (including recipes for dishes such as sausage balls, which are a staple at many of the Appalachian weddings I have attended), but also very true. I promise many posts to come from questions raised from the book, but it also points out the importance of making your wedding personal:

"We think the best advice for a successful wedding is: Be yourself. A wedding offers an opportunity to be somebody you aren't. This is a temptation to be (for the most part) resisted. If you can afford a big blowout, by all means, do it. But if you can't afford a band from Memphis, a small wedding reception in the living room with mints and nuts is just as lovely. . . A good rule of thumb: Don't spend more time planning the wedding than the marriage is expected to last."


Amore and I recently attended/participated in a wedding of our dear friend, L (formerly "our bachelorette"). Her wedding was wildly personal and I loved it! She and her husband did the two-step for their first dance to a mountain song: "I love you just the way you are." As an avid hunter the groom's cake (made by his grandmother) had a deer on it and the groom also hit a few golf balls during a break in the reception. The bride, who celebrated her bachelorette part at the Carter Family Fold, insisted that guests flat foot. The decor included rocks from a local river in the flower arrangements. The celebration was classy and personal--exactly what a wedding should be.


How will you make your day personal?



--Love