Old Maid?

I am an old maid. Yes, at 23 years old I am considered an old maid by most of my friends. Call it an Appalchian tradition or simply the way things are done in my hometown, but nearly all of my friends are already married.

Shortly after high school graduation, I began attending the weddings of close friends. I served as maid of honor for my best friend the summer after our freshman year in college. It was then that the questions began to come about when I would marry and why I didn't have a beau. In fact, the questions never cease. The next summer as a bridesmaid for another best friend I tried to count how many times I was asked when I would marry or my turn would come, but I soon lost count because the questions were unending.

At college, I subscribed to my local newspaper and every week turned first to the engagement and wedding annoucements to see which of my friends it would feature. Almost without fail it would feature a classmate or at least an acquantance that was "tying the knot."

I still consider myself young, and despite the pressures surrounding me, I am not in a hurry to follow my friends down the aisle. I will. . . in my own time. I think that the worst thing a girl can do is to be in a hurry to marry simply to have a wedding or because it just seems like the thing to do.

Don't get me wrong I do not subscribe to the belief that all girls who marry young throw their lives away. My best friend, who has already been married for years, will finish her pharmacetical degree this spring and has pursued a career along with her marriage.

All women in the South used to marry young. My grandmother married at 18 (and was old for her time) and my mother married at 19. Despite the fact that they both married young they do not want the same thing for me. They want me to choose who and when I shall marry. In fact, my grandmother made me a wedding ring quilt this fall, but insisted that it had no symbolism and that now that I had my wedding quilt I could marry whenever I chose.

And that's exactly what I plan to do. I will stand proudly as the only girl "of age" at the bouquet toss and answer the unending questions with a smile. I am just fine being an "old maid."

Have you ever felt pressure to marry?

--Love

It's all about you!

I am an Appalachian. This means I talk with an accent, live in the mountains, am proud of my place, and have traditions that are distinctly different from other cultures. . . . including wedding traditions.

I also come from a very small town. Where I come from there are not many "platinum weddings," but instead many are held in local churches with the receptions in the fellowship hall. This also means no alcohol at most weddings. We still participate in bouquet tosses. There are certainly not five star hotels or caterers to provide a luxurious spread, but weddings are unique and personal. I believe that the most important part of any wedding is that it fits your personality and culture.


My new wedding read agrees. I have been reading Somebody is Going to die if Lilly Beth doesn't catch that bouquet: The Official Southern Ladies' Guide to Hosting the Perfect Wedding. This book is not only hilarious in pointing out the uniqueness of southern weddings (including recipes for dishes such as sausage balls, which are a staple at many of the Appalachian weddings I have attended), but also very true. I promise many posts to come from questions raised from the book, but it also points out the importance of making your wedding personal:

"We think the best advice for a successful wedding is: Be yourself. A wedding offers an opportunity to be somebody you aren't. This is a temptation to be (for the most part) resisted. If you can afford a big blowout, by all means, do it. But if you can't afford a band from Memphis, a small wedding reception in the living room with mints and nuts is just as lovely. . . A good rule of thumb: Don't spend more time planning the wedding than the marriage is expected to last."


Amore and I recently attended/participated in a wedding of our dear friend, L (formerly "our bachelorette"). Her wedding was wildly personal and I loved it! She and her husband did the two-step for their first dance to a mountain song: "I love you just the way you are." As an avid hunter the groom's cake (made by his grandmother) had a deer on it and the groom also hit a few golf balls during a break in the reception. The bride, who celebrated her bachelorette part at the Carter Family Fold, insisted that guests flat foot. The decor included rocks from a local river in the flower arrangements. The celebration was classy and personal--exactly what a wedding should be.


How will you make your day personal?



--Love